How to Survive Watching a Horror Movie

Disclaimer: Okay, so I know that this post isn’t necessarily about a conspiracy theory, but if you would kindly look at my title you will see that it clearly says, “Conspiracy Theories and Such”. So, this is the “and such” part I was talking about, and I hope that you’re not too upset that I will be writing about something other than a conspiracy theory. PS: be prepared for more of these in the future. :)

Without further adieu: HOW TO SURVIVE WATCHING A HORROR MOVIE

Photo Courtesy of ABC News

Tip #1: DO NOT WATCH HORROR MOVIES ALONE.

    If you wish to watch a horror movie, I would highly suggest a companion to watch it with. I will usually watch them with my friends Teia, Jade, and Claire, but if you are for some reason so antisocial that you have no friends, I would suggest buying a pet because A: they’re cuddly and warm and great for hugging when you get scared, and B: will protect you from all of the scary stuff that you think is in your house afterwards. For example, I decided to watch The Conjuring last weekend by myself, and the only reason I didn’t run out of my room screaming was because I had my three kittens with me. I may have almost squeezed the life out of them, but hey, at least I didn’t have nightmares.

Tip #2: HAVE A LARGE SUPPLY OF BLANKETS READY.

    I know that sticking your head under a blanket while watching a horror movie is a bit cliché, but trust me, it works. I’ve saved myself from becoming mentally scarred just by doing this. Also, they're warm and cozy and just make you feel generally more comforted. If you are still scared after cocooning yourself with blankets, mute your TV right before the scariest parts. The best way to tell that a scary part is coming is to notice any sudden changes in the background music; that’s a pretty good indicator that a jump scare is about to occur. 

Tip #3: TELL YOURSELF HOW STUPID THE CHARACTERS ARE.

For example, if the characters are playing a sketchy game of hide and seek, just start talking about how stupid the characters are, i.e. “Why are you doing this? You know that something bad is going to happen…” or “WHY ARE YOU WALKING TOWARDS THE NOISE IN THE ATTIC? HOW STUPID CAN YOU BE?!” I honestly don’t know why this helps, it just does. I’m going to get a little off topic now, but am I the only one that feels like that there is a hide and seek scene in EVERY SINGLE HORROR MOVIE?! Like in the Conjuring, as soon as the family moves into the house, the kids decide to play a variation of hide and seek called hide and clap. Hide and clap is especially sketchy because first of all, the seeker is BLINDFOLDED. How is someone okay with looking for somebody in an unfamiliar house while blindfolded? Second of all, the hiders have to clap to indicate their locations to the seeker. And obviously, if you are  aware that you are watching a horror movie, you would assume that someone other than the kids hiding will clap, and naturally, the seeker will go after that clap as opposed to the others. During this part of the movie, I was constantly telling myself that the characters were stupid for wanting to play this game in the first place, and doing so made the jump scare at the end of the scene slightly less freaky because I anticipated it.

So, those are my top three tips for surviving a horror movie. Hopefully they will help you out, and will prevent you from having to walk around your house with a tennis racket afterwords. 

See you later, 
          Allie