How To Survive The Zombie Apocalypse

I feel as if this will be the most important post I have written so far. Having the right skills and knowing the right facts will really benefit you when the apocalypse happens, and who knows when that day will come? Tomorrow… Next week…. A couple of years???? For all you know, it could be happening right now, and in that case, I am choosing to write this post just in time. I am indeed an expert in these kinds of things, and you my friends, have come to the right place for guidance. 

1: The first and most important rule of surviving the zombie apocalypse is: Every man for themselves. This doesn’t mean that you have to be completely independent, but when you are being chased by the zombies, don’t expect everyone to survive. Natural selection rid your group of the weak links. If someone trips and falls to the ground like in a stereotypical horror movie, leave them there. In the words of my geography teacher, “Never leave your wingman behind unless you are being chased by an angry bear,” or in this case, zombies. 

2: Make sure you have a large supply of food and water, especially Twinkies. Everybody knows that Twinkies never expire and can basically withstand a nuclear blast, so they are a good thing to have. 

Photo Courtesy of AskMommy

3: Wear armor. This does not mean wear heavy clothes, this means you should go all medieval by wearing metal plates all over your body. Once you're bitten, there is no going back. Also, duct taping magazines to your arms and legs doesn’t work. I know in the movie “World War Z”’ Brad Pitt does that and it works for him, but it will not work for you. He is Brad Pitt. Everything works for him. 

Photo Courtesy of Movieline

4: This one is actually a pre-zombie apocalypse tip: stay in shape so you will be able to run fast while carrying all of your equipment. And no, playing Call of Duty your Xbox will not benefit you when the undead attack.

5: The more isolated you are, the better.

6: All zombies do not move slowly. I know that the stereotype is that all zombies are slow and have limp, but this is not the case. It all depends on how fit the person was before they became a zombie. Who knows? One of those zombies could’ve been a world class athlete. 

7: When killing a zombie, only aim for their head. Shooting or cutting off their limbs does not work, and if you set them on fire, they will still keep moving. 

8: Zombies don’t like loud noises. If you choose to blast your music in the middle of the apocalypse, I wish you good luck.

9: Do not provoke the zombies. Surprisingly, throwing rocks at them will only make them more angry. 

10: Don’t base your knowledge of survival off of Hollywood stereotypes. Listen to me instead. 

You are welcome in advance. 

-Allie